Haves & Haves Not

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By an ‘unfortunate’, ‘sinful’, ‘condemned’, ‘damned’, and DISGUSTED Post 1977 “Have Not” devotee:

The following is a Satire about the Pre 1977 initiates of Srila Prabhupada, most of whom have misused their good fortune of being initiated during the Physical presence of Srila Prabhupada: Some, however remain humble and are not consumed by this dangerous mentality of “ I am better, more fortunate than you- heh heh heh! “ This article does not at all target those few individuals.

Hare Krishna! My name is So and So dasa/dasi. I am a Pre 1977 initiate of Srila Prabhupada, and am very much proud of it, indeed to such a great extent, that it has gone to my head. Today I would like to speak from my real inner self.

In the community of devotees comprising ISKCON there are those who have Srila Prabhupada as their spiritual master, and those who don’t. Those who have Prabhupada as their spiritual master are obviously especially fortunate because Srila Prabhupada was a maha bhagavat, a Sampradaya Acarya.

Thus there are the “Haves” and the Have not’s”. I am one of those fortunate “Haves” who took both first and second initiation from Srila Prabhupada personally.

Like a conservative Republican who cares only about the “Haves “and who gives not a damn about the “Have not’s”, I love being a “Have”. But I’m not selfish like a conservative Republican, because being an advanced disciple of Srila Prabhupada, I’m full of compassion. Please do not get me wrong, I don’t say “To hell with the Have not’s”. Rather, I say let them elevate themselves by serving Srila Prabhupada through us “Haves”, and let them be constantly reminded that we “Haves” are always sincerely encouraging them to also find for themselves a bona fide spiritual master one fine calm summer morning.

The way we have carried out this ‘encouragement ‘ is by our specific strong preaching and prodding to those “Have  not’s” since the past 34 years that they MUST accept a bonafide spiritual master from Iskcon Post 1978 with the tendency to have illicit sex with men, women, children etc.  As a special concession, occasionally we also let the “Have not’s” accept ‘ spiritual masters ‘ who may not be directly physically engaged in these sinful activities, but who created, support and truly believe in the philosophy that conditioned souls with such sinful tendencies can be bonafide spiritual masters in the pure disciplic succession.

Further, we “Haves” presented an added bonus gift certificate coupons to these gullible “Have not’s” fools, namely that whenever one of their ‘ bonafide spiritual masters ’ break loose with their sex urges and he retires from the ‘Guru’ post, we immediately do our very best to kick these “Have  not’s” devotees around like football to accept a Second, Third & Fourth ‘ spiritual master ‘. This process is repeated practically after every 2-3 years. We “Haves” most vehemently insist that these “Have not’s” must take these repeated initiations, and if they hesitate we constantly threaten to kick them out of the movement in which our Sampradaya Acarya, Srila Prabhupada created as a house where the whole world can live in peacefully.

Despite seeing these repeated Reinitiations falling flat in the face year after year, owing to our reserve back up ‘ spiritual masters ‘ also falling down like moths into the fire as the first ones did, we continue dumping this concoction of Reinitiations on these poor “Have  not’s”. This clearly shows how much shameless and selfish we “Haves” are, yet we are completely immune to acting shamelessly since 1978 all the way till today, and insist to our unfortunate “ Post 1978 Have  not’s” counterparts that this is our special mercy upon them. Some aggressive “Have not’s“devotees in the past took great objections to this and aggressively challenged us with statements such as “With friends like us “Haves’ who needs enemies? Of course that problem has long been solved, because we made sure to nip these aggressive “Have not’s” in the bud, and physically removed them forever from setting foot in our exclusiveTemple grounds.

Seeing the pitiable condition of those “Have not’s” devotees who constantly had to change their ‘spiritual’ names every two years or so, with every change of “Gurus’ promoted by us, in order to make a marked distinction between such unfortunate and untouchable devotees, we the “Haves” decided to further tighten our false ego by starting to add the title “ACBSP” after our respective names. We did this in the mid/late 1990s when computers were just coming out. Therefore in every e mail we would send, we made it clear that we were Donkey das/dasi ACBSP”. This latest tactic was done just so that the rest of the “Have  not’s” would know that we mean business in further dividing the already severely dismembered movement which also was of course in the first place due to our many years of systematical plans and actions to destroy our Exclusive Monopolized Guru, Srila Prabhupad’s movement all the way.

Our latest tactic after exhausting a good number of our local Iskcon Gurus (who ended up wasted in sense gratification) on the “Have not’s” devotees, is now to preach to them to accept ‘Gurus’ from the Gaudiya Math and the Babajis of Braja. We then even go a step further, giving the excuse that we “Haves” fully understand the plight of the “Have not” devotees who are extremely worn down after going through 4-5 of our local Iskcon gurus. As a special gratitude we now give them the facility to accept unknown Phantom Gurus from Timbuktu/ Alien Gurus from Alien Ships with no specific individual names. We do this in the name of preaching the Sampradaya Acarya philosophy. Indeed by this latest pathetic recommendation of Phantom/Alien Guru/s for the “Have not’s” devotees, we have embarrassed even the Aliens, who are now hiding in their space ships. Hence we see much less reports of UFO sightings since the past 20 years, as opposed to previously. We are happy to announce that these are all historical facts since the physical departure of our Sole and Exclusive Guru, Srila Prabhupada, thus having severely destroyed his once Pure Iskcon movement.

We fully believe that by performing all these many spiritually dangerous havoc acts on our Sampradaya Acarya Srila Prabhupad’s movement since the past 34 years, we can solidify our demoniac tactic to constantly put the “Have  not’s” in their place by reminding them of our Exclusive Membership Club to which we vow to cling on to till our last breath. We are so deeply immersed in this illusion that we think we can even be able to somehow counteract the Yamaduttas when they tear us apart from this huge dangerous false ego of “Haves” and ‘Exclusive Club’ that is exactly like a dog stubborn hard knot in our hearts.

The “Have not’s” cannot and will not have Srila Prabhupada, of course. This posthumous ritvik idea is nonsense. We “Haves “proclaim that this ritvik concoction is bogus. We stand firm on this, despite Srila Prabhupada’s confirmation of his intention to appoint Ritvik Acaryas for that time when he is no longer with us.

The real process is of course to seek out a bona fide spiritual master. That is what all aspiring bhaktas should do.  If the ‘wretched’ “Have not’s” cannot find one, they should continue to nicely serve us “Haves”.  By constantly serving us sincerely, then eventuallyKrishna will arrange for them to find a bona fide spiritual master, not necessarily in this lifetime, but let’s say in roughly a few billions of lifetimes. However the most vital catch and condition in achieving this particular mercy of Lord Krishna is that first of all the “Have  not’s” must cross the hurdles of repeatedly accepting ‘ spiritual masters ‘ with the tendencies to have illicit sex with men, women children etc, every two years or so in this particular lifetime. Only then by seeing their sincerity in going through these repeated painful tortures for many years beginning from 1978 onwards, can these “Have  not’s” even stand the chance to be qualified to finally accept a bonafide spiritual master. This could take billions of Kalpas, ie Lord Brahma’s days, or to be precise while Lord Brahma is yawning doing his Ho Hum and about to go to sleep.

In the meantime, myself and the other “Haves” have in this lifetime since 1978 been accepting nice service in the form of various kinds of adoration and distinction, such as special prasadam areas (roped off from the “Have not’s”, of course) and not just special prasadam areas but (most importantly!) special prasadam. We dutifully exhibited this act in the very first year of the Mayapur festival after Srila Prabhupad’s departure in March 1978 by serving out bland, saltless Subjis with Rock hard uncooked Potatoes for those damned “Have- not’s”, whilst we “Haves” were enjoying Properly spiced Subjis swimming with the richest creamy Cheese Panirs in the thickest blocks you can imagine.

At that time, we “Haves” also of course separated the Prasadam halls in Mayapur, exactly following in the footsteps of the mundane Hindu society and Smarta Brahmana’s system of separating and segregating the Dalits, Bangis (street/toilet sweepers), Vaisyas, Sudras, other low born groups etc from the Pure Hindu Brahmana Aryan group . Thus we  “Haves” most ‘intelligently’ arranged for the “Have- not’s” to take the remnants of conditioned souls posing as Gurus in the dirty halls next to the Public latrines, far away from the actual Temple Building. Yet we were comfortably seated in the Conch building with its clean and pristine atmosphere overlooking the Temple. Especially from 1978 to 1987, ie during the zonal acarya days, there was an even further subdivision between the “Non-Guru Haves” and the “Guru Haves” Godbrothers. The “Guru Haves” were exclusively enjoying Prasadam (offered to themselves) in their private rooms, served by their confused “Have not’s” disciples. We are glad to announce that this system has been faithfully upheld for many more years after that time, occasionally with some minor adjustments.

On some extreme occasions, while a “Have not” devotee was devotedly offering Bhogha to the Deities in a temple (such as the Australian Yatra) via their ‘spiritual master’ as a disciplic connection, at that very exact moment, that very same ‘spiritual master’ was lying in the arms of a prostitute half way across the world in Bangkok completely exhausted from his “Non conflictive” activity of engaging in illicit sex, as he had later explained to be so. True, this is a little weird even for some of us totally unconcerned, insensitive and brainless Pre 1977 initiates “Haves, but what the heck, it does not really affect us. And even though we may occasionally gobble up such ‘prasadam’ (having lived in the same temples), offered to our “Haves Godbrother illicit sex Guru”, please always remember the Golden rule-We are Pre 1977 initiates “Haves dasas”, who can never really be contaminated by any sinful reaction.

Actually we can see that the chances of the “Have  not’s” ever finding a Sampradaya Acarya like Srila Prabhupada are more or less nil. At best after the dust settles of them going through 4 or 5 illicit sex lover Iskcon Gurus post 1978, they will only be able to find a ‘ superficially satisfactory repressed/suppressed spiritual master ‘, who will somehow with great difficulty and struggle barely contain his ravaging sex desires. Thus if they finally again take diksha from such a ‘ Guru ‘, we “Haves” will continue to automatically always retain our superior status as the exclusive disciples of the Sampradaya Acarya, and solidify our most cherished status quo of adoration and distinction just as we like it.

Of course we “Haves” will never bother to question as to why is it that after 1977, all these “Have  not’s” who joined ISKCON were denied the Mahabhagavat standard Guru, but instead got the Homosexual standard Guru, Woman Hunter Guru, Child Molester Guru, and most recently the Bangkok Prostitute Guru ?  What bad karma’ had these poor “Have not’s” who joined after 1977 do in their last life, in contrast to the good karma’ of us “Haves” who joined Pre 1978 ?  That even though the “Have not’s” group of devotees

(1) Joined the same society

(2) Chanted the same spiritual mantras

(3) Performed the same detailed devotional service procedures

(4) Followed the same four regulative principles

(5) Read the same Srila Prabhupada’s books

(6) Worshipped the same Iskcon Deities, etc, as us Pre 1978 “Haves” counterparts, they still had to receive so many varieties of spiritually fallen Gurus, and that also specially and specifically recommended by us ?

We “Haves” are also so dull brained that we never bother to even deeply consider the following point: Why was the original standard of automatically receiving a Maha Bhagavata Eternally Perfected Spiritual Master, namely Srila Prabhupada that was existing till 1977 for all of us “Haves” who joined at the time, had to suddenly be so abruptly dismantled and destroyed in 1978?

Some bold humorous “Have not’s” have recently joked that they who joined Iskcon Post 1977 had probably donated Cats to the Brahmanas in their previous lives, whereas we “Haves” had diligently donated Cows to the Brahmanas in our previous lives. Of course rest assured that we “Haves” will get to the bottom of this and hound, chastise, beat, and last but not least, ban those particular “Have  not’s” devotees for daring to even make such a painful joke that has tapped the raw nerve in our arrogant Exclusive Member hearts.

By us “Haves’ dumping so many sinful persons posing as ‘Gurus’ in the pure disciplic succession since 1978 onto the poor “Have  not’s”, we have practically implied to them that Lord Krishna and Srila Prabhupada seem to be punishing them for   spacing out in missing the opportunity of Srila Prabhupada’s physical presence available till 1977. Thus because of their being so unfortunate’ by not meeting Srila Prabhupada physically, these “Have not’s” have to continuously suffer so many crazy consequences since 1978 until all the way today. But Remember, this is again solely thanks to us “Haves” and we are eternally proud to take the credit for it.

The new initiates? Godbrothers? You gotta be kidding! Get outta here!

Thank you very much. Hare Krishna!