Your Friendly GBC Overlords: The GBC proudly announce a new office. It is to be called the GBC Office of Bureaucracy (The GOB). It will initially consist of one hundred and one secretaries, and two hundred and two computers linked internationally. It is the strategic brainchild of GonnaBatty dasa. He has insisted that he will provide the furniture, ‘for you no profit’, and throw in some of his spare ashtrays.

The computers will have a secret central control room and be linked to video monitors throughout ISKCON to see that everyone is following the GBC resolutions and not chanting too loudly to disturb the Hindu guests. It is not considered necessary to install video monitors in the GBC plush accommodations as it would spoil the decor, and everyone already knows the answer to whether the GBC chant their rounds. Furthermore the whirring of the video cameras might disturb their slumber during the morning program. It is hoped that there will be other benefits, such as recording how sannyasis hug little girls and have their feet washed by married or unmarried women. These videos can then be made available to disciples and internet sites for a healthy income.

The GOB will have two divisions: the COB and the MOB, respectively, the Creation of Bureaucracy and the Maintenance of Bureaucracy.  A DOB division, the Destruction of Bureaucracy, was not considered as it is hoped that the work of the GOB will be eternal, even extending into the transcendental world, which the GBC considers far too spontaneous.

A main effort of the GOB will be the dissemination of the ISKCON LAW BOOK. Yearly updates with thrilling new resolutions will be printed in fancy fashion as hardbound collectors’ items. The GBC employee of the month will receive a gold-bound copy. In the week prior to Vyasa Puja, all major centers will hold seminars on the LAW BOOK so that just everyone knows what they must do under the monitors. If the devotees find the seminars mind-numbing and fall asleep, then coffee and biscuits will be available under the expert direction of Gonna Batty dasa.

Devotees should have no fear that the LAW BOOK will reach them in pristine original condition. Jaya Altering Swami had been suggested as editor of the book but the GBC would not allow that in case he started a wacky court case and publicly declared them to be ‘writers for hire”.  So, all devotees should be assured that the GBC have got their priorities right.


Resolutions are the Basis,
Meetings are the Essence,
Futility is the Principle,
And Bureaucracy is by Force

Watching you, Your Friendly GBC Overlords.